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Saturday 6 August 2011

A Jolly Roger

Monty first began to dabble in the black art of low-carb during his brave and splendid navy days, which were chiefly spent stalking the Norfolk coastline aboard HMS Bumrush. Having witnessed widespread deviant depravities amid the seamen, and deeply concerned about his own growing love of amateur dramatics, Monty became suspicious about the effects that the high-carb navy rations were having on the crew.

The final straw came when a late night session of "poop deck conga" turned particularly nasty, compelling Monty to seek refuge in carbohydrate restriction. With his inclination towards voting Liberal Democrat swiftly cured by ketosis, Monty promptly left the navy and was eventually washed up on the beach at Lowestoft. From that day forward, Monty's voting habits were staunchly Conservative. The kinky devil.

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