On the 5/3/14 a meeting was convened at Macs in London NW2. The main panel at the meeting consisted of Albert, Angeleyes, Wrunkelt, Silver Fox, Cugila,
Kamon, Highlanders with Ken as the chairman.
In the audience were Sid, Noblehead and Phoenix. The aim of the meeting was to
set up a support team to assist Douglas in dietary matters. Ken opened the
meeting by remarking that he could speak for all the panel members by stating that Douglas’s dietary statements
were a source of deep embarrassment to DCUK. He cited two posts on a much
beloved blog.
Douglas initially stated he followed a low carb, low fat
dietary regime
This post examined the nutritional requirements for a male sedentary
diabetic aged 51 or older to achieve a sustained 2000 calories per day under a
low carb low fat regime. The analysis showed that there were only three
outcomes.
1. With a maximum of 3 units of whisky per day, carnivorous body
building amounts of protein would be required; or
2. With a RDA of protein, an alcoholic inducing number of units of
whisky would be required; or
3. With a maximum of 3 units of whisky per day and a RDA of protein, the
calorific input would result in a skeletal rake.
Douglas subsequently stated he “my target diet now is balanced calories, no net
gain/deficit, and 33% of
calories from each food group”.
Assuming a
sedentary child aged 2-3 and a sedentary male aged 51+, the following dietary
intakes were calculated.
Gender
|
gm per day
Carbohydrate
|
gm per day
Protein
|
gm per day
Fat
|
Sedentary Child Age 2-3
|
83
|
83
|
37
|
Sedentary Male Age 51+
|
166
|
166
|
74
|
At this point the panel, consisting of Albert, Angeleyes, Wrunkelt, Silver Fox,
Cugila, Kamon, and Highlanders, together with the chairman Ken stated they all knew that, in spite of his infantile
postings, Douglas was not a two year old! With the only other option – an intake
of 166gm per day of carbohydrates, uproar resulted!
The chairman, Ken, reminded the room of the well documented
effects of high carb on Douglas.
“I reached 19.5
stone. I was huge and felt awful about myself”.
“My eyesight got
steadily worse and worse, resulting in new glasses virtually every year”.
Ken continued “All of this is in the public domain, we can’t
have him posting he’s on 166 gm per day of carbohydrates, people are not stupid
they’ll put two and two together”. At this point there was an angry outburst
from Phoenix along the line that she could take 166 gm per day of
carbohydrates. Ken interrupted “Not again, can’t you play another tune?”
Phoenix rose, red in the face, “You can stop that I get enough from Mitchell”. “No,
no. I meant play your accordion while we consider options for keeping Douglas away
from public scrutiny”.
While Phoenix played her accordion in the Bal-musette
style the following strategy was agreed. Every post from Douglas would be
quickly followed by a torrent of abuse by members of the panel and then a plea from either Sid
or Noblehead for the thread to be deleted or locked.
After such a successful meeting, the support team
tucked into a portion controlled Big Mac
John
1 comment:
Duggie has gone missing, I wonder why ?
Could it be you have outed him John. Could he really be the fat ex copper that used to be a mod ?
Time will tell, it always does.
Eddie
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