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Saturday 18 February 2012

Beantipper enquiry in disarray !

At four am this morning Chief Superintendent Fred Knacker lead a pre-dawn raid at Lord Beantipper’s 50,000 acre weekend retreat. Knacker lead a team of over 40 armed officers. One hour after the raid started Monty was seen being placed in handcuffs into a police van.

In an informal press conference, Knacker refused to confirm or deny a horse box was seen leaving by a rear entrance, as Monty was taken away under heavy guard to Paddington Green police station, believed to be the most secure in the UK. Monty’s long term mentor and lowcarb compatriot Roger ‘Keto Warrior’ Jenkins stated over a video phone link “this is not the first time lowcarb anti’s had tried to besmirch Monty’s good name and a he was 100% certain he had been fitted up”

After a short remand hearing at Bow Street Magistrates Court, Monty was remanded in custody at HM Prison Brixton. It is believed Beantipper has fired his long time Lawyer Smithson Grovel, Senior Partner. Bullshite Whitewash and Koverupp of New York, and appointed Thelonius P. Wilderbeast to handle his defence.

Thelonius P. Wilderbeast or the Beast as he is more commonly known, became Internationally famous when he successfully fought off The British Dietetics Association in the case that came to be known as the LOL case. The beast had stated on many occasions he believed the BDA’s advice re diet for diabetics bordered on mass murder. In a case expected to last months, the Beast was aquitted within 3 hours, when he ate a standard meal as recommended by the BDA, taking his nomally stable blood glucose from 4.3 to 27 within  an hour. He was awarded undisclosed but very substantial damages and purchased an island in the Caribbean.

Thelonius P. Wilderbeast

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hee hee this is so funny but unfortunately it has truth on its side. So often we see ridiculous diets being recommended to us diabetics.

Anne

Lowcarb team member said...

Never let it be said that Monty put the cart before the horse

John

Anonymous said...

I'd heard that 'The Beast' suffers badly with crabs in his beard.

And don't anyone go thinking that I'm talking about pubic lice. No, no, no. I'm talking about huge f***-off beach crabs snapping at passers-by, dropping into Thelonius' tea at inappropriate times and wolf-whistling at his wife and daughters.