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Wednesday, 27 April 2011

May the force be with you !

Breaking news! After the publication of the article "Seeking an Explanation for Canute’s Behaviour", indicating that a diabetic forum moderator had unknown sources of energy (not from protein, carbs, fat or alcohol, world famous cosmologists are urgently trying to locate the diabetes forum moderator known as King Canute.

A spokesman explained "After reading the article we realised that if we could reject the hypotheses that King Canute was a 10 year old boy with a huge appetite for meat or that he was an alcoholic then there remains the possibility that his metabolism may exhibit the properties of ‘dark energy’. When we examine the Universe, it appears that the galaxies are moving away from each other with acceleration greater than that made possible by the known amount of energy in the Universe. To explain this phenomenon, cosmologists have postulated the existence of ‘dark energy’. Unfortunately, the dark matter is invisible and currently undetectable. Rather than spend huge amounts of money on attempts to detect it indirectly, a detailed examination of King Canute’s metabolism may lay to rest one of the greatest mysteries of modern cosmology."

We warned the cosmologists not to try and communicate with Canute through the diabetic forum. Canute is the font of all knowledge and any attempt at meaningful interrogation of his metabolism would result in the banning of the cosmologists. We proposed that a better approach would be direct observation of Canute. This would allow the earlier hypotheses – 10 year old boy, alcoholic or others – lying mistaken etc to be tested. If all other hypotheses are rejected then a possible rendition to a laboratory and serious examination work of Canute’s metabolism could begin.

We offered the help of the Black-Ops squad, directed them to Sutton Coldfield and wished them good luck.



Anonymous said...

Brilliant.....Out of sight!!

Lowcarb team member said...

Hi John

You have stunned us. We had given up hope we would ever see the likes of Sir Monty Beantipper again. A man who could see through to the bare essence of the situation, a man who could find humour in an atomic mushroom. You are the new comedy messiah.

Thelonies P Wilderbeast.