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Monday 9 January 2017

How to write a rant against low-carb

Your post should begin by explaining how much you don't intend to become embroiled in another argument about low-carb. You should state clearly how much respect you have toward anyone who low-carbs. You might like to close paragraph one with the phrase "each to his own", as this serves as a cue for the reader to prepare for the ensuing tirade by clenching their buttocks and assuming an appropriate crash position.

"However..." is always a great way to begin paragraph two. This is where your post turns and the kettle really gets whistling. You should make it clear not only where you'd like the low-carbers to go, but also what they should do when they get there. If possible, you should add some typing errors into this section in order to demonstrate just how hard it is to use a keyboard when you're shaking with furious anger. Under no circumstances must you indicate what it is that you're really angry about. Don't forget to include the words zealot and evangelical somewhere along the way.

Paragraph three should be reserved for inconsequential anecdotes.

Use paragraph four to show people that you're not afraid to be tenuous when an argument demands it. Don't forget to finish by adding a HbA1C well below 6% and be sure to mention the fact that the quinoa on toast that you had for breakfast was mind-blowingly good. Paragraph four should contain the phrase "I am happy" at least five times."



Ela said...

Great information !!
Greetings !

only slightly confused said...

This would be hilarious if it wasn't so close to actual fact

Galina L. said...

It is also amusing to notice how preoccupied are the people who are against low-carbing with the fact that there are people who eat and get healthier low-carb diets. The longer I follow a lowcarb regiment, the less I am interested in discussions, not much is left to say, and I don't need a motivation any longer, my sense of a well being and my radiant skin are enough. I noticed several people dropped out from blogging and commenting for the same reason if they don't plan to release any book. Meanwhile proponents of "moderation", mostly plants eating, and strict calories restrictions don't loose their steam to gather and tell each other how wonderful bread smells and how stupid low-carbers are.

Kezzie said...

I'm guessing you've experienced this a lot?!

Revrunner said...

For the record, I've tried quinoa several times. Kinda boring.l still prefer brown rice.