World Wide Lowcarb Diabetic Exclusive !

The medical and scientific world was staggered to learn today, type two diabetes has been “resolved”. At a special press conference at the Ritz Hotel, Professor Knobheadski, Professor Emeritus at the Broadmore Institute of Endocrinology announced the news all type two diabetics have been waiting for, diabetes has been officially “resolved”. Lowcarb long timers and diabetics remember  Knobheadski and his money saving idea of putting all type two diabetics on a thousand carbs a day nil meds diet. He calculated most diabetics would be dead within five years and thus save the UK pension funds a small fortune. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt wanted Knobheadski knighted for this proposal, but PM David Camoron felt it a step too far, and quietly dropped the idea. In the past claims have been made of a cure, sadly this has never been confirmed. But Knob, as he is known in the betes world, had jaws dropping when he put forward his paper to the assembly of some of the worlds leading diabetes experts. He titled his magnum opus The Gezza Paradox.

The speech started well, and to rapturous applause, but long time diabetics present in the hall, swiftly began to boo and throw press release material and hand-outs at Knob. As each moment passed, old Knob looked more ridiculous. He was claiming he had “resolved” a type two diabetics diabetes, with a nil meds, 250 carb per day diet, clearly the most ludicrous idea put forward in years (with possible exception of the fours the floor fiasco). The mood turned particularly nasty, when he stated his patient was going into hypos within two hours of a high carb Ruby Murray and still holding non diabetic BG numbers.. Knobs claims went from the simply ludicrous, to totally unbelievable, when he stated his client was often saved from catastrophic hypos with a bowl of weetabix and bananas.

Clearly Knob has gone bananas. 250 carbs per day, nil meds, and regular hypos ! The mood turned from nasty to very ugly, when under great  pressure, and pressed to answer the question, had his paper been peer reviewed ? was forced to admit, yes it had been reviewed and approved by a lack lustre diabetes.co.uk mod, and the notorious Sid ‘we are all different’ Bonkers. Bonkers the long time forum court jester (the sort of guy well to do families in Victorian times had committed, or locked in the attic) and side kick of the alleged Kenny boy clone Gezzathorpe, who is a sort of Sid Bonkers with a brain.

Roger ’Keto Warrior” Jenkins together with a small group of lowcarbers, listened to Knobs presentation via a piped sound  system, in the luxury and splendour of the Hotels cocktail bar, almost had a seizure from laughing. When he had composed himself, stated “That is the biggest load of bollocks I have heard in over fifty years”  he went on to say “Who other than a confused newbie or the completely deranged would believe that load of bullshit” When the barman suggested Sid Bonkers, Roger collapsed into hysterical laughter again, and only swift action from the barman, pouring the contents of an ice bucket over Rogers head (horizontal on the floor holding his belly in pain), saved him from possible hospitalization. Lord Beantipper was more reserved and much more succinct when he quietly said “Gezza is a T shirt, he will have disappeared into forum obscurity within a few weeks” If only the same could be said for Bonkers.

The Sun

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