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Friday 31 January 2014

CarbSane takes some time out to visit her shrink Hannibal Lecter !

A blast from the past. The Silence Of The Spams !

Oh no Evelyn, your ham fisted riposte just won’t do, I had expected so much more from you. Do you think you can dissect me with your fly blown blog. You know what you look like to me Evelyn, with your bag of donuts and packets of crisps? You look obese, overweight, and a high carb low fat failure. Good nutrition’s given you some length of bone, but too many carbs have lead to your downfall. You’re not more than one box of chocolates away from your next hyper, are you, Evelyn.

Evelyn, and that accent you've tried so desperately to shed, pure West Bronx. You know how quickly the tuck shop found you, all those tedious sticky fumblings at the back of the class, with Krispy Kreme do-nuts and chocolate digestives, While you could only dream of getting out…... Getting…anywhere.….getting all the way…….to the weight watchers club.

You see a lot Dr. Lecter but can you …….shut it Evie !

An low carb anti dietitian once tried to test me, I ate her laptop with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Tell me Evelyn why do you spend so much time rubbishing others, don’t lie because I will know, why do people hate you? Err Err I accuse too many people of untruths and have pissed off too many people. And why is your blog sinking without trace. Err Err because people have seen through me and won’t buy the bullshit anymore.

First principles Evelyn, Simplicity. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature? What do you do, what do you seek? Err sticky buns, NO ! What is the first and principal thing that drives you? cakes. NO !, err err….lots of girl on girl action with Melissa McEwen, NO !, that is incidental. You covet, that is your nature. And how do we begin to covet, Evelyn ? We covet with our eyes. What needs do you serve by rubbishing Jimmy Moore and Gary Taubes? Anger, um, social acceptance, and, huh, sexual frustrations, NO, We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you love eating those donuts and chocolate biscuits Evelyn? and don't your eyes seek out the things you want ? Err yes.

Why do you hide out on your blog, encouraging dullards and wasters to bad mouth good people. Winding up that awful Richard Nikoley is understandable, but why the others ?

Err because people like them and they make a living from what they do and they have passion. I haven’t even got the courage to say what I really think, so I let my lap dogs and lickspittles do my really dirty work. I think I am a scientist and know it all but I can’t lose weight myself.

Do you want to be helped Evelyn ? Yes I need help, I’m becoming a fruit cake. That has been your downfall Evelyn too many cakes, biscuits and fries. What can I do ?

Look for severe childhood disturbances associated with roast spuds, rice, and junk food. You wasn't born a glutton, and an anti low carber Evelyn. You was made one through years of systematic sugar and starch abuse. You hate your own identity, you see, and you think if you can bring everyone down to your level, you will feel good about yourself. That you won‘t wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and craving sticky buns, you won’t be the only one raiding the biscuit barrel, and shovelling pies and cakes down your neck, you won't be the only one that can’t say no to Robb Wolf. Am I right, or am I right?

You are right Hannibal. Thank you Evelyn

Evelyn, one more thing, hate your pants.

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