Hello there, my name is Chris Palmer and I am an avid partaker of the humble and very benign Potato. It's just one of the many starchy tuberous root vegetables which I find deeply erotic. Really hope you don't have a problem with this. Please don't hate me for my uncompromising stance in regards to starch.
A comment came in recently bemoaning the fact we have not featured potato in our featured food of the day threads. I intend to address that situation here and now. Please observe the potato Fig 1A This versatile and wondrous tuber has amused me for much of my life. Not that I am recommending you eat potato you understand.
I'd very much like to draw your attention to the above picture of my very first spud gun(Fig.1B), bought for me by my father in 1978. This contraption really opened my eyes to the immense versatility of the Potato; the king of vegetables, in my humble opinion. In 1992, I launched an unsuccessful attempt to rob a sub post office in Preston with this very spud gun. In the years since, Potato has never once let me down; a truly remarkable track record, I'm sure you'll agree, officer.
For those of you who have been wearing ear defenders whilst living in a cave on the Isle of Lewis, today is National Potato Day, or La Fête La pomme de terre Nationale, if you've drawn the short straw and been born French. Anyone worth their salt is spending the day contemplating, preparing, cooking, gently cradling, and maybe even eating Potato - in all its heavenly forms. Traditionally, it is on this day that those who have shown bad feeling toward the Potato are driven out of towns and villages and out into the countryside, where they are rounded up and birched until they recant their folly. Believe it or not, this is a tradition which continued unabated right up until my conviction for actual bodily harm in 1998.